Why Taxol first?

Most of the time, when the Dr starts chemo, they start with A/C first and then do Taxol. It doesn't really matter which comes first, but they prefer to do A/C first because the Taxol isn't as hard on the body. Therefore, you are a bit healthier going into surgery.

So you may be wondering why we started with Taxol then. Well its because I had heart issues the week before chemo was supposed to start. In fact I apparently almost died. Awesome luck huh?

It was the weekend of Mothers day. I wasn't feeling too good. I had just had my port placed on Wednesday. Friday I started feeling bad. By Sunday I could barely walk 10 feet without having to stop and breathe. So Sunday night I went to the ER. After an Xray, a breathing treatment, and a few other tests and Dr talks, they told me I had early stages of bronchitis and they sent me home. Even though I still couldn't breathe. I went home and got in bed. I could only breathe while in my right side. If I laid on my back I felt like I was suffocating.

Monday morning we went to my primary Dr. She sent me to the ER via ambulance with super hot fire fighters. They admitted me and I went up to what was known as 2D floor, with a diagnosis of pneumonia. While there I got up to use the restroom and apparently my heartrate shot up to the 160s. The nurse rushed in and told me not to get up again. After that they transferred me to the 5th cardiology floor. I was there about 20 minutes before they decided to transfer me again to the 2nd cardiology floor for better monitoring. And I might mention I could only lay on my right side to be able to breathe this whole time. And it was still awfully hard to breathe still. And with each transfer I had to wear a mask. So I felt like I was suffocating.

The rest of my time in the hospital is kind of a blur. They ran a million tests on me. CT scan, well a few CT scans. Some scan I have no idea what it was called. Echo-cardiograms, EKGs. And I felt like a pin cushion because they weren't sure if my port was accessible yet since it was so new. Turns out it was, so I was poked and prodded for no reason.

After three days on the cardiology floor, they transferred me to the ICU. I thought nothing of it, just another room change. Apparently though I really was pretty bad off. My hubs thought I was going to die. As did the Drs. I have very little memory of any of my time in the ICU.

After a day there, they decided to perform surgery on me. The did what was called a Pericardial Window. They cut a hole in my chest,  took out that little piece of cartiledge at the bottom of my sternum, put a drain in my pericardia (the sac around the heart), and drained a soda can's worth of fluid out, about 300mls. The surgery was on Friday. Saturday they had me up walking around and transferred me back to the cardiology floor. My pain management was pretty bad. But by Sunday we had it mostly under control. I was taking 1 lap around the floor, and they had me try stairs. It was hard, but manageable. And they released me Monday, exactly 1 week in the hospital.

I took it easy at home. Going up and down our stairs as little as possible, as it tired me out. This little blip in the road delayed my chemo a couple weeks. And is the reason we started with Taxol instead of A/C because it allowed my body to heal from my heart surgery and what not. Its been a rough summer to say the least haha!

Man I feel like poo

This A/C stuff really takes it out of ya! I get my treatment on Thursday. Friday I get a neulasta shot (which is a shot to make my bone marrow produce more cells to keep my blood counts up). And Saturday through Monday I just want to lay in bed and forget those days. They really are that bad.

My body aches just to have a small touch. I feel like I have the worst flu ever. Totes sucks. Speaking of blood counts, my counts are on a roller coaster. The week of my first chemo, my platelets were at 450, White blood counts were at 11.1. The week after it was 350 and 3.1 respectively. Quite a drop. Especially since my platelets have not made it below the high normal range of 400 since they started taking my blood. And they've taken enough blood from me to keep a sparkly vampire happy for quite some time.

But ya know what else?! It is totes worth it. Because my tumor has shrank tremendously. It is still there. As is the lump under my arm. But they are soo soo soo much smaller! And that makes all the pain and ickyness worth it.

I am looking forward to my next treatment because it will be #3. Out of 4!! And we should start discussing surgery. Which at one point I had resigned myself to a bilateral mastectomy. But I am still so afraid of which decision to make still. It is so hard to make that decision. It was way easier naming my kids.  Why are boobs so hard to let go of? Aside from them being attached and all. Its hard to let go of the idea of never breastfeeding again. Never being "normal." The fear of looking like a 12 yr old prepubescent boy for the rest of your life. Needing surgery to look like a woman. Not having nipples. That one is really hard to grasp.  I always said if I ever got BC, I would just chop em off and move on. I never thought I would have to actually make that decision. Or at least have 20 yrs to make it. I never imagined being in my 20s and having to make such a big choice. All my choices in life had been easy, which college to go to, whom to marry, to marry even, when to have babies, what to name my sweet boys, all easy choices. Compared to what I am faced with now. Stupid boobs.