I've been feeling down lately. In fact, I finally cried. Took a few months, but the tears finally fell. I don't know why, but the reality of it all finally hit me. It sucks finally feeling your mortality hanging in the balance. But I also have a reason to feel it hanging in the balance. I had another MRI done last Wednesday. My tumor had felt smaller and soft a few weeks into my Taxol treatment. But the last couple weeks it felt bigger and harder. So we wanted to check on it.
The news we got back was not so good. The tumor has not shrunk. In fact it has gotten bigger. And Wednesday evening, but right armpit was very tender. I felt it up and there is a new lump about the size of a golf ball. So now I have lymph node involvement. Yipfreakingeee. The MRI also showed it. I have got to be getting close to the bottom of the bad luck tree surely!
So what now? I had my last dose of Taxol yesterday. We are cutting it 1 week short. Both my oncologist and I feel that it is obviously not working. So next Thursday, I am starting the A&C chemo. I am incredibly nervous about this chemo. New side effects, new meds, back on steroids. I have all sorts of new anxiety now. But I feel this is the best thing to do. I've read how this chemotherapy is kick butt and will do the job. Hoping it will create a complete pathological response (in other words, the tumor will be dead when they cut it out). They have also upgraded (downgraded?) my staging. Its now 2b. Could be 3 depending on how many lymph nodes are involved.
BUT the good news in all this is that the cancer is still pretty much localized to the breast/armpit area. There were no other spots in my body. Silver lining right?
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